Cruella, or how the villain of 101 Dalmations came to be the bitch who wanted to skin dogs to make a coat. Let’s workshop this, fellas. We’ve got to sell a shitload of movie tickets. Or at-home rentals or however they buy movies in this fucked-up era. We’ll tell this story from the villain’s perspective. Like Joker for broads. Or Wicked for broads.
We open at a dogfight in a warehouse. Obviously, we’re gonna need a lot of pitbulls. The more beaten up and worn down the dogs are, the better. In walks Emma Stone as Cruella de Ville, covered in dog blood. Freeze frame, record scratch. Emma Stone says in a voiceover, “That’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got in this situation.”
Emma Stone keeps talking. “All I ever wanted was be a gangster, a princess or the editor of Vogue Magazine.” Wait, we can’t actually use Vogue magazine in the movie. Let’s make up a stand-in for Vogue. Something like. . . uh. . . Runway! Yeah, that’s good enough. Anyway, Cruella she’s an upstart with a journalism degree and a boyfriend who’s a chef so he’s a pussy. Anyway she gets a job working at this fashion magazine Runway working for a real high-powered bitch and she can’t fit in at all but through hard work and pretending to be a fashion victim she gets promoted to executive assistant.
The editor (let’s pencil in Meryl Streep for this) takes Cruella to an exclusive fashion show in Paris, France but her boyfriend’s like “wah-wah you’ve changed” but she’s like “don’t be hatin'” and that’s going in the trailer “don’t be hatin'”. Anyway, they go to France and there’s a montage and that Christina Aguilera song plays and there’s a fashion show and they meet the designer (who’s a real fanook) and they ask him what’s his secret and he admits the clothes were made from dog hair.
A bunch of stuff happens in acts two and three and somehow she ends up at a dogfight covered in a blood. Hire a scriptwriter to figure it all out. I just produce these movies.
I haven’t figured out exactly what happens at the warehouse except one of the black guys looks at Emma Stone as Cruella covered in dog blood and says “Daaaaamn!” Michael Vick passed on the project because he “wants to put that part of his life behind me”.