You Are Unhappy

To hell with it. Just say it. You are unhappy.

You try to put up a good front for everyone to see. It used to be difficult even long before the days of social media. When you were a young’un and the beeper was still a thing. That’s when you said to yourself, “not going to let myself be tied down like that”. A beeper or a cellular phone phone the size of a brick. These things did not seem like freedom back then. They seemed. . . douche-y?

Beepers faded away and new cellular phones were made smaller, cheaper, and easier to carry around. Suddenly it made good sense to have a cellular phone. They would be good to have in an emergency, which is the kind of thing your mother might say. What if your car stalled on the highway, for example? Take the cellular phone with you just in case and be careful.

Technology made it where the internet could be on our cellular phones. Suddenly you were a big deal. Before then, you had to use the internet at a computer. You couldn’t take the internet with you wherever you went. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves but did he have the Internet on his phone? He didn’t even have a phone, the big prissy-pants.

In less than ten years, America went from largely without these things to incorporating them in daily life. We were taking pictures of our food and using our phones while driving. They stopped being cellular, became cellphones, then became phones, and now may not even be phones depending on what gadget is in use.

And while this may sound like the rant of a curmudgeon or a Luddite, let me bring you back to the beginning where I said: you are unhappy.

You? Yes yes yes you yes yes yes you and you might even be MISERABLE. The rapid development of technology in your daily life has not made you feel better.

You are now able to connect with so many people all over the world. You can check in at a concert you’re at, take a picture from the event, upload it to your IG account with the location pinpointed. You’ve staked your territory. You were there. You can use your phone’s camera to video-record portions of the concert. You can upload that video later to your IG stories or your FB account or whatever social media you prefer. People will like your photo, they will heart it. You will be rewarded for your photo and your check-in and your video, especially if the video shows something out-of-the-ordinary like one of the performers having a meltdown.

Every heart, every like, every notification a short and sharp jolt of excitement to your overstimulated brain. You have been acknowledged, if momentarily. It is nice but fleeting. You are still unhappy.

Something is gnawing at you. All of this has been made for you. This has been sold given to you and you are still not happy. You put up a good front because you see everyone else on your social media and how happy they seem to be. They are going to concerts and the zoo and playing with their pets and going to the park and doing the things people have always done. People will do these things thousands of years from now too, but will they be any happier? That cannot be known.

If we were being honest with the rest of the world we engage with and ourselves, our IG photos would largely be unfiltered and un-retouched and they would be of us slumped on a couch tired. We wouldn’t take multiple pictures of ourselves in the same spot with the same pose just to make sure the lighting was right. We wouldn’t use self-timers to take posed pictures. The pictures we post of our food would be of an entire carton of ice cream or a bag of potato chips or a bologna sandwich and it would look as drab as life typically is.

We wouldn’t just check in at concerts, sporting events and movies but at the quick care and the pharmacy and the grocery store and the funeral home and all the places we go between our birth and our death. If we could be upfront about ourselves, we would show the warts-and-all of our lives.

Maybe not literally the warts.

We would admit how unhappy we are and how tired we are of trying to keep up that appearance. Because if we are actually living that happy, blessed life that we show in our social media then we’re probably making a lot of people including our friends bitterly jealous.

But if we’re not (and let’s face it, most of us aren’t) then we are lying to ourselves and everyone else and we need to stop it.

That really would be a breakthrough, wouldn’t it?

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Uncertainty

I don’t know how I feel right now. Am I doing better or worse, mentally and physically? I can’t even tell anymore.

I resolved at the beginning of the year to stop drinking soft drinks. Nailed it. Haven’t had a soda since the first week of January, not even a diet drink. Cut out pizza and salty snacky from my diet, too. Sweets are a tough one to kick but I’m not eating that as much or as often as I used to, so that’s an improvement. I’ve even been working out for the last three months. Going into the therapy pool and doing exercises that work out both my upper and lower body without hurting my joints. I do this three times a week.

And yet I feel like I am going the wrong way. I feel tired most of the rest of the time. Am I sleeping or eating enough? Everything is changing so fast. I am on three different antidepressants.  Will I need all of them if I continue with my exercise regimen? I’m uncertain and that makes me nervous.

I know it’s a long game but that doesn’t make me any more sure of myself. I’m not confident about most things even if I’m doing more things right than wrong.

Farmer’s Rule

It was not long ago when I said to myself, “You may be on the best run you’ve had in a long time.” Three visits to the healthpark a week were making me feel better, more mobile and stronger. An instructor showed me upper and lower body exercises to do in the therapy pool and I alternate each session between the two.

My mood had improved and I felt the push of momentum in my direction. This is when Farmer’s Rule hit me like a ton of bricks. The rule that says as soon I notice how well things are going for me, things stop going well and I fall back into the dumps.

Perhaps you have your own version of this rule. It’s been a long time since Farmer’s Rule bit me partially because it’s been so long since I’ve actually felt good for a sustained period of time. A few months of activity can mean a lot.

But now I’m back in my low mood, which is my usual state of mind. Farmer’s Rule hit me about two weeks ago and now I’m feeling it hard.

Yet in the face of depression I remain active. Last week, I went out five days in a row. Between workouts and events I had to attend, I was out and about a lot. It might be that the workouts are keeping me going, which is good. I look forward to working out. I would do it four or five times a week if I could afford the gas to go.

Right now I want to sleep more. I don’t want to take care of things around the house. But I want to go to the healthpark. I don’t want to write. Last night, I was looking into the fridge when I thought to myself “why are you even alive”. But I keep going. I am still here. I still want to work out. I still want to live. Mostly because I haven’t gotten the full run out of life. I haven’t done everything I want to do. I want more and more and more. And who else can make that happen?

Let’s Talk Battlebots

This is the content you need today. Take a moment. Enjoy yourself. Battlebots is on the Discovery Channel and if you’re not watching it you are a sucker. Battlebots ought to be the national pastime. Nobody uses HGH, nobody gets a concussion. Fighting robots get destroyed.

I would like to share with you some of the fighting robots from this season along with their owners/builders/operators. If what I write seems mocking, believe me when I say I have a great affection for these robots and the people for making them. It is all in fun. I love this damn show. It is the only show.

captainshrederator

This is Captain Shrederator. Look at this majestic American Beauty ™. In some ways the Captain is just like the USA, in that it’s completely unwieldy and hasn’t had a victory at all this season.

predator

This is Predator and its’ builders, the inspiration for the three nerds in that Simpsons episode where Homer goes to college.

battleroyalewithcheese

This is Battle Royale With Cheese, created by the Shitty Halloween Costume delegation. Notice the rotating blade that looks like a slice of bacon.

sawblaze

This is Sawblaze, one of the top contenders to win the 2018 championship. If this team’s story were made into a Hollywood film, the Asian-Americans would be portrayed by ScarJo and Tilda Swinton.

sharkoprion

This is Sharkoprion and yes THE TAIL IS A WEAPON! These old hippies made a robot out of recycled parts, including the spinning saw in the front. Glorious. Yes, they have seen Dead & Company and no it’s not the same without Jerry.

duck

This is Duck. This guy Ducks.

yeti

Here is Yeti. You see that spinning drum? It can get up to 4000 RPMs and it has SPIKES on it. Sometimes it hits other robots so hard that it knocks itself out. It’s the 2004 Jermaine O’Neal of Battlebots.

deviledegg

I dunno, folks.

ultimodestructo

Here is Ultimo Destructo, which sounds like the kind of name a child would come up with. I approve. Children should be naming these things. Sharkoprion is too literary and Battle Royale With Cheese is too clever. Dumb childlike names are cool.

tombstone

This is Tombstone, the big bad of Battlebots. You can’t mess with Tombstone. The guy on the left is the chief builder and he’s as close to a bad guy as Battlebots gets. If this robot could wear a shirt, it would say “I AM A MOTHERFUCKER” and it would beat up strangers on the bus.

kraken

Here is Kraken. What a silly-looking robot. The kids shouldn’t be made to stand near this abomination. This is the server staff that sings Happy Birthday to you at the nautical-themed family restaurant.

warhead

Finally, we have Warhead from the British delegation. This thing looks like a cyborg half-way through a transformation. It looks like a junk sculpture that would be sold to some coked-out investor for waaaayyy too much money.

 
When Shark Week on Discovery is over, you gotta start watching Battlebots. New episodes on Friday. You’ll love it. It’s a way of life.

The Bitch In Matt Bevin

Any last words before I hit the switch 
From the immortal words of one, a bitch is a bitch – Common

Fuck that, ’cause like Common and Cube, I see the bitch in you
And I’m a make the world see it too, motherfucker -Canibus

Matt Bevin has shown himself to be a bitch ever since his election to the governor’s office in November 2015. This has been a long story and it is by no means over.

 

Republican Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin is throwing a temper tantrum because a federal judge struck down his plan to add work requirements to Medicaid. His response? Taking away dental and vision benefits from nearly 500,000 people.Splinter

 

What a sad little man Matt Bevin is. He filed for that waiver shortly after he entered office. In the summer of 2016, the state held three policy meetings on the waiver, in Frankfort, Bowling Green and Harlan.

 

By coincidence, I was the very first called to speak at the Bowling Green meeting. I can tell you that literally none of the dozens who spoke at that meeting supported that waiver proposal. The Benefind plan (created during the Steve Beshear administration) was a great example for the rest of the country of how Medicare could help citizens. Kentucky has some of the country’s highest obesity rates, diabetes rates, you name it.
Bevin has dismantled Benefind by coming up with KyNect, and making people work for their health care. Never mind that many Medicare recipients either cannot work or already work full-time but can’t afford private insurance. It either hasn’t occurred to Bevin or it has occurred to him and the bitch in him wants to take it out on everyone.

It’s almost as if people with no government experience shouldn’t be elected to high office or something. Maybe Bevin should have started as a state congressman or dog catcher and worked his way up like most people who want to be in politics but aren’t millionaires.

Being from private business, Bevin doesn’t get that he doesn’t own Kentucky. A businessman buys a property, he wants to knock down some walls, paint some other walls a different color, rip out the carpet, etc. etc. This isn’t his property. He still doesn’t realize that he works for Kentucky.

Or he doesn’t care.

The way I see it, we’ve got sixteen more months of this bitch-made motherfucker before the Kentucky gubernatorial election of 2019. We have to vote the bastard out. He was the canary in the coal mine that brought us Trump and brought Brexit to the UK. I feel with all my heart that as important as the 2018 midterms will be, Kentucky in 2019 is the bellwether for the rest of the country.

It’s Only Up To You

This song by the Sensational Alex Harvey Band has been for years the song I go to in moments of deep sorrow.

I’ve seen stars disappear in a hurry

overdoses in satin and silk

mnuchin

some others who can’t feed their children

’cause they don’t have the money for milk…

homelessfamily

 

There are some folks got nothing to live for

Some folks got nothing to lose

So don’t ask me for pity

fucyourfeelings

No complaints department blues

There is no complaints department

It’s only up to you


 

In the wake of the last few days of news, it must be stressed. It’s only up to us. We can’t wait for the cavalry. We are the cavalry. We can’t depend on the Democrats, the mainstream media, or the courts. Even if Robert Mueller has the blood that was on Trump’s hands in his possession, it may not be enough.

It is up to us and it always has been but never has it been clearer than right now. Every day feels like a setback but if we push back then we might eventually get America to be what we were told it was when we were children.

I Know Who Killed Me (On twitter)

I give up. You win, twitter. Fuck you. I did what you asked me to. I deleted the bullshit tweet that made fun of Donald Jr. but I still couldn’t post. I could look around and post PM to friends but I couldn’t tweet or RT.

Why would I want to use twitter when I can’t tweet or RT? What’s the point? Fuck you.

I appealed my suspension but my appeal failed so I conceded and deleted the tweet. Fuck you. You have actual fucking Nazis and fascists on your platform. And I’m suspended. I’m now unable to tweet for another week because I tried to tweet a Kentucky state senator for talking shit to me.

Which reminds me. . . I think I know who reported me. It was not Sady Doyle. She’s now following me. I didn’t expect that. I probably agree with her on more stuff than I don’t but I’m still surprised.

I think it was my state senator Joe Bowen who reported me. Bowen is retiring at the end of this term and not a moment too soon, as he voted for the unpopular pension reform plan. Last week, I called him and Matt Castlen (my representative who also voted for the bill) frauds. While I was suspended, Bowen sent me a tweet basically calling me an internet tough guy. I tried to reply and tell him I would be glad to call him a fraud in person and I think I’ve extended my non-tweet-or-RT by another week.

Fuck that, fuck twitter, fuck Matt Castlen and double-fuck old Joe Bowen. Matt Castlen is the heir to Joe Bowen’s seat in the state senate. NO HE IS NOT. I’m voting Bob Glenn in November and I’m not even thinking twice about it.

Joe Bowen, if you have Google alerts, I’ll be glad to meet you in person to call you a fraud. You think I’m a twitter tough guy. You look you died years ago and you haven’t caught on yet.

bowenlooksdead

It’s easy to be pro-life when you’re a zombie

I Regret Nothing

Today this happened. Warning: trigger words in the image below.

yourdadisgayandretarded

I’ve appealed my suspension but as of now I am suspended for the next seven days from twitter. twitter might be doing me a favor. All I have to do is delete that tweet and I can be unsuspended. No. Fuck them. twitter needs its’ users more than we need them.

I sort of enjoy the idea that Don Jr. is sitting at home going through his mentions and reporting people because he doesn’t have anything better to do. His wife left him, she took the kids. He’s sad, alone, eating takeout, crying to twitter about what the bad man said. There are actual nazis on twitter.

By the way, they can capitalize “twitter” all they want. I won’t. They don’t deserve it. And it’s not like I’m making fun of gays or the disabled. I’m making fun of Donald Jr. and his shitty dad. I should know and do better but in this case, I regret nothing.

Ohhhhh. . . it just occurred to me that I called out author S@dy D0yle for vanity searching on Reddit last night. Perhaps she is the one who went through my history and reported whatever she could scrounge up. That tweet about Don Jr up above is from May 31. It’s June 14th. You’d think somebody would have been upset about that way sooner than two weeks later.

I am could be one of the few people on Twitter who has been reported by both S@dy D0yle and G@vin Mc!nnes. I have to type it like that so it won’t crop up in their Google alerts. If you’re gonna vanity search yourself, you will have a very bad time.

America Sucks From A Shitpipe

Yesterday, celebrity chef and television host Anthony Bourdain committed suicide at the age of 61. This news coincided with a CDC study that American suicide rates have increased 25% nationwide since 1999. My home state Kentucky’s suicide rates have increased 36.8% in that time, making the commonwealth the tenth ranked in the country in suicides per capita.

In the last twelve hours I have come across some truly shitty takes as to why people are committing suicide more than they used to. It’s as if everyone raced to the computer to fire off the shittiest word salad they can conjure with barely a half-thought. Meanwhile I’ve taken about fourteen hours to conjure up this which makes this a lukewarm take.

I have a theory as to why more and more people are committing suicide in America: because this country sucks from a shitpipe.

Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at what has happened since 1999 in this dumb fucking hellhole.

  • Gore won the election but Bush went to the White House because the fix was in from Roger Ailes and Katherine Harris
  • 9/11
  • Starting a war in the middle east that our military is still engaged in despite using obviously faked evidence as a pretext
  • This is also when we opened Gitmo
  • Hurricane Katrina
  • Increasing frequency of mass shootings
  • The economy goes tits up
  • The middle class is gradually dismantled
  • We elected Obama who ran on a platform of CHANGE but he turned out to be about 20% to the left of Bush
  • In his defense, Obama comes up with the Affordable Care Act and signs Dodd-Frank. Fortunately, his political opponents take it in stride
  • Citizens United… oh boy
  • Opiods become the new meth
  • Meth is still around, though
  • More hurricanes
  • More and more mass shootings
  • Social media makes it where we can learn all the bad news FASTER
  • Good news, gang! Gays finally have the right to get married now! Evangelist radicals take it in stride, no problem.
  • The craziest assholes get the biggest platforms
  • Alex Jones says there’s a lab where frogs are turned gay with science
  • Stagnating wages
  • Goldman Sachs, go fuck yourselves
  • Nationwide obesity and diabetes rates increase
  • Clinton won the election but Trump went to the White House because the fix was in from a massive international syndicate
  • Apparently, we are Russia’s bitch now
  • There’s a pee tape and we can’t see the fucking thing
  • You learn that a 40-hour work week at minimum wage can’t buy shit
  • Baby boomers trash you for being lazy, anyway
  • Your college loan debt is a science-fiction epic
  • That Stanford rapist was sentenced to prison for about seven minutes
  • There’s a mass shooting every other day practically
  • And a bunch of other stuff I don’t want to recall because it’s too goddamn depressing
  • WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE IT WAS ALWAYS BURNING SINCE THE WORLDS WERE TURNING!

You can start to see how American life gets on top of people. When the dissonance between your inner doom and the asshole on TV telling you that America is the greatest country that God ever invented. You look around the town where you live and see how bad things are and it doesn’t fit with the news that the Dow Jones hit a new high today. You know you’re being lied to and all you really want is two things: for somebody to be upfront and honest with you, and for someone to treat you with some humanity.

I would leave the US if I could. I don’t love it, but I can’t afford to go. It wouldn’t be the end of mine or your problems. But maybe if this was a better place, it wouldn’t exacerbate the problems you already have.

I don’t blame anyone for checking out early. They’re not weak or cowards. They’re just pressing stop on a shitty movie. We are not much better than the countries we call our enemies, in that our country does the bare minimum to give its residents a viable way of life.

My generation watched the plug get pulled on a vegetative American dream. Hopelessness and helplessness are far for the course.

I Bring Good News From My Bandcamp

I bring a sliver of good news to you in these shitty times.

My bandcamp is up and running. You can buy the Kentucky Prophet album “Beyond The Fringe” for $7.

In time I will also release other music I have made. Kentucky Prophet, Mr. Neutron, you name it. . . going all the way back to 1997. From the indie-released to the self-released to the never-released, I will finally share it with you, one piece at a time. Some of the pieces are better than others.

Technology Vs. Horse’s music is already on bandcamp but that is only part of my story.

“Beyond The Fringe” was initially self-released in 2007. Produced by DJ Cappel and Smitty, it contains fan favorites like “It’s A Wonderful Life” and “I Sell Drugs To Celebrities”.

This digital release comes with a bonus track from the “Fringe” sessions, “Valet Parking At The Polo Lounge”.

I’m finally going to let you hear my life’s work. This is exciting.