It was not long ago when I said to myself, “You may be on the best run you’ve had in a long time.” Three visits to the healthpark a week were making me feel better, more mobile and stronger. An instructor showed me upper and lower body exercises to do in the therapy pool and I alternate each session between the two.
My mood had improved and I felt the push of momentum in my direction. This is when Farmer’s Rule hit me like a ton of bricks. The rule that says as soon I notice how well things are going for me, things stop going well and I fall back into the dumps.
Perhaps you have your own version of this rule. It’s been a long time since Farmer’s Rule bit me partially because it’s been so long since I’ve actually felt good for a sustained period of time. A few months of activity can mean a lot.
But now I’m back in my low mood, which is my usual state of mind. Farmer’s Rule hit me about two weeks ago and now I’m feeling it hard.
Yet in the face of depression I remain active. Last week, I went out five days in a row. Between workouts and events I had to attend, I was out and about a lot. It might be that the workouts are keeping me going, which is good. I look forward to working out. I would do it four or five times a week if I could afford the gas to go.
Right now I want to sleep more. I don’t want to take care of things around the house. But I want to go to the healthpark. I don’t want to write. Last night, I was looking into the fridge when I thought to myself “why are you even alive”. But I keep going. I am still here. I still want to work out. I still want to live. Mostly because I haven’t gotten the full run out of life. I haven’t done everything I want to do. I want more and more and more. And who else can make that happen?