Once upon a time, I got into an argument with one of my college professors. I was about two months away from graduation and it was in the middle of class. The closer you get to graduation, the more tense you are and it doesn’t help if the professor is a royal motherfucker. It’s been eighteen years since but the climax of the argument was me telling her that I hoped she got hit a by a bus. That ended that day’s class and my participation in it for the rest of the semester.
I was able to work out a deal where I could finish off the final class project without going back to class. I didn’t want to go back and Lord knows she didn’t want me back. I blew up and told her I hoped she would die. I mean, I said I hoped she’d get hit by a bus but essentially I hoped she’d die. I didn’t hope she’d fracture her tibia. She probably is dead now so I got what I wanted eventually.
Last week I did it again but on twitter to Fox Sports right-wing shithead Clay Travis.
If you don’t watch the video above (I don’t blame you) he says he doesn’t consider Trump a white supremacist and tells former ESPN anchor Jemele Hill that she “could have been the next Oprah but instead chose to be the next Al Sharpton”. Hmm.
There are a lot of people who want their choice of sports entertainment outlets to stick to sports alone and not cross streams with politics. They tend to be older, whiter, more conservative and they tend to support the troops by getting mad at black athletes who take a knee while the national anthem plays.
Let’s take Clay at face value and say that Jemele Hill could have been the next Oprah. But would the next Oprah take note of how a picnicking black couple were accosted by a white campground manager with a gun? Or would Oprah just do what she always did and develop her own brand while selling shit to housewives?
If you remember, Hill got in hot water and eventually fired from ESPN for the straight-up accusation (and who can deny it) that Trump is a racist, a position she has never wavered on. It is something she has been consistent on since the Charlottesville incident, when Trump said there were very good people on both sides of the debate when one side carried tiki torches, defended the honor of Confederate statues, chanted “Jews will not replace us” and in one instance ran over and killed a counter-protester named Heather Heyer.
Hill, who speaks who truth to power, loses her position at ESPN while Travis, who keeps his head in the sand, maintains his job. Stick to sports, which is much easier to do at Fox Sports unless you have a political perspective in line with Fox’s sister news operation.
It was far too easy for me to regress to my college self and wish a troll would get hit by a bus. And that earned me a week-long Twitter timeout. Keep in mind I didn’t say I was going to hit him with a car. I didn’t make a threat. I just hoped it would happen. That’s a suspendable offense? To be fair, it’s mean and juvenile. It’s completely immature. And there is a sick coincidence that I wish that what happened to counter-protester Heather Heyer happened to someone on the other side of the ideological coin. But suspendable? Come on!
Wait a minute. Hold the phone.
Oh, I get it. I fucked with a long-term shareholder. That’s where I messed up. So I could have threatened to rape someone and I would have been just fine. Now I know better. Lesson learned.
Since I can’t be suspended from my own website, I am going to make a list of things I hope happen to Clay Travis.
- I hope Clay Travis gets hit by a bus.
- I hope the bus runs him over.
- I hope his bones and skull get crushed like a turtle’s shell under the bus.
- I hope his twitter stock completely tanks.
- I hope all his stock tanks.
- I hope he is forced to watch as his shirtless mother is whipped with an electrical cord.
- I hope while she is whipped, he is forced to hear her moan “OH MY GOD I AM HAVING MY FIRST EVER ORGASM!”
- I hope he falls butthole-first onto a mason jar.
- I hope the jar breaks.
- I hope as he attempts to clear the shards and fails and blood trickles from his body cavity and he keeps muttering “oh no… oh no… oh God… oh… oh oh…”
- I hope the reader of this article decides that my expression of anger is in reasonable proportion to the frustration I feel.
- I hope Fox Sports goes completely under and Clay Travis is forced to livestream from his mother’s basement while being forced to listen to his mother being whipped with an electrical cord upstairs.