A Whiny Level Of Sick

I have a cold and it’s making me whiny.

I’ve been trapped at home since Wednesday. It has snowed and it is snowing again right now. I can’t go outside like this. A physical therapist was supposed to make an appointment with me tomorrow but I’m too sick and its snowing so bad I’ve already called to reschedule.

I want to go outside and breathe fresh, cold air for a few minutes. I want to go to the grocery store. I want to not have a fractured ankle. I hate this. I feel so lousy.

My immune system has taken a whipping this past week. I wouldn’t be surprised if malaria seeps through the air vents at this point, that’s how bad my luck is.

I know so much is going on and there’s a lot of social upheaval. Some of it is good, some not. I can’t care right now. Too sick. Self-care means withholding HOT TAKES about news and current events. This is your loss. Try to adjust.

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Will Somebody Please Babysit Our Racist Baby King?

WANTED: babysitter for racist elderly baby

LOCATION: Washington, DC with occasional stops at Florida estate.

PAY: Not enough in the universe

CyeOgO1VIAACG2F

Here he is, the racist baby you’ll be in charge of.

 

I’m sorry. I’m in a real low mood right now. There’s a walking brace on my left foot to protect my fractured ankle and it takes a lot of effort to put the bastard on. It’s snowing outside so my long fight to put on the boot has been for naught. I wouldn’t even dare walk next door to see my mother. It’s too dangerous for lil’ ol Fragile Bones here. My internet connection craps out at odd times and I’m beginning to think that the weather is responsible.

You’ll have to excuse me if my nerves are a little raw at the moment. The bile that comes out of the White House on a near-daily basis makes me ill with anger. I’m sickened by what is going on in my state capital of Frankfort with the Republican attempts to turn our state into a smoky black cinder.

The Trump administration just allowed Kentucky to take steps to terminate our Medicaid expansion.¬†¬†Kentucky is the first state in the country to “apply work requirements to Medicaid recipients”, per the articles.

It’s a terrible idea and one that I protested against in the summer of 2016. I went to a policy meeting in Bowling Green and NOBODY spoke out in support of this waiver. Dozens of people stood up and spoke to the state representatives and voiced their disapproval along with the very sound reasons why it was an illogical piece of hogwash.

Nobody supported this except for Matt Bevin and his entourage and whoever is backing them. That’s why 2016 meant so much to me. Because I figured that the Clinton administration would likely not allow such a waiver.

I’m worn down. My body is broken. Our racist baby king has deemed Haiti a shithole but Kentucky is as close to Haiti as any state in the union and about to get worse. I’m afraid and self-care isn’t enough right now. But that’s all I have. I have to get better. I have to heal my fractured ankle. I have to lose weight. I have to get my strength up.

In the pre-dawn hours after I cracked my ankle I tried to get off the couch to go to bed and I couldn’t. My foot, ankle and knee were in too much pain to get me up and about. Without a protective brace, I was stuck. Unable to do anything else, I flopped to the floor and crawled to my room. It took at least twenty minutes of sweat and exhaustion to haul my carcass in and hoist myself up to bed, a distance of about twenty feet.

I was helpless and naked. Nobody could help me in the dark of night. I didn’t even have the strength to cry.

I have a walking brace on my foot as I write this. I’m sitting on the couch again for the first time since that exhausting night. It takes some effort to get up but I don’t have to crawl.

If not for Medicaid and Medicare would I even have a walking brace? I have a laundry list of ailments. Would I be able to treat my diabetes, my sleep apnea, my depression, my anxiety, my bi-polar disorder, my PTSD? Would I be able to go to therapy?

Would I even be alive?

Why are they trying to take that from me?

I’ve Taken A Tumble

via Daily Prompt: Brilliant

Brilliant! I’ve taken a tumble. I fell and injured myself. Make me a Rhodes scholar, please.

I fell backwards in a parking lot over a concrete beam and on the way down bounced off the hood of my car. Genius!

How did I do this? A genius never gives away his secrets. Even though I told you how it happened just now, no matter! Trade secrets!

Why did I do it? Because I was making room for a gentleman with an air tank to fill up my driver’s side tire and I decided to go from minor inconvenience to full-on physical pain. Great!

Now? A non-displaced fracture on my left ankle and a spur in my left foot. Who could do that in one fell swoop? You’re reading him right now. Ouch (brilliant)!

Pain pills! Crutches! Orthopedic appointments! Not applying pressure on my left side. All in a second’s work. I am a golden god. That’s brilliant, people.

 

Anti-Sludge Resolution

Perhaps you have seen this video. I watched it about a week ago.

 

I watched this video and looked at the smoke and the black sludge foaming up and I said to myself “That’s what’s inside you right now, big man. All that sludge is in you.”

I later found out that the guy poured Coke into sulfuric acid, not stomach acid. Is he mistaken or misleading? Does it even matter?

I’ve been struggling lately. Buy a six-pack of Coke once or twice a week and polish it off real quick. Drink water for the next few days then repeat the cycle. Am I as bad as I used to be about this? No but what I have been doing for the last year? Why am I trying to throw all that progress away? Why am I clinging to this that hurts me?

If there’s any silver lining, ever since I watched that video I hate the taste of Coca-Cola. I hate how it tastes and how it makes my stomach feel. Even before I saw that video I hated how I felt drinking that stuff.

I have a burning desire to never drink Coke or any soda ever again. I haven’t had any for about five days. I don’t miss it. I still have a bottle in my fridge that I’ve left unopened. It’s sitting right there and every time I open the fridge I mean mug the son of a bitch.

If I do this one thing it will be a major improvement. If I stay off the sodas it will make me feel so much better and the pounds will come off naturally. No diet soda workaround that doesn’t really work. Sludge = sluggish.

I want to try to stay off soda for at least six months. I’ve never done it and that’s saying a lot. That is my resolution. I’m only getting started. I hope I hold out and don’t feel like punishing myself.

Getting Closer

My 2017 was a year of progress that was not visible to outsiders.

2018andme

2017 was supposed to be the year I got a gastric sleeve. While I’m still in the weight-loss program, I still haven’t done it. If I haven’t done it by the end of March, I probably won’t end up doing it. For the longest time I’ve been afraid to do it. I’ve been afraid of failure.

It is better to try and fail than not to try at all, which is something that has put me on stages performing for years. It is what has led me to profess my love and fall flat on my face. I have shot my shot in many different ways and failure hasn’t stopped me. Why should it stop me now?

My fortieth birthday is March 26. I would like to have the surgery around that time. I like to think of it as a rebirth. It will be a better time for me. The weather will be warmer, no holiday season to fret over. I could have had the surgery in early October but I didn’t want to. I knew the recovery period would coincide with the holidays and I didn’t want that hassle.

I have had some personal breakthroughs. Last year I told my story of childhood abuse. I never thought I would ever tell that story aloud. There it is, preserved for eternity. The internet will archive it even if this website goes tits up.

By the way, “internet” is demanding I capitalize it. I see the red line underneath it. I don’t think I ought to. Nor should I/we capitalize “tv” or “god”. Let’s try something here facebook . . . yep, facebook wants to be capitalized.¬† What about reddit? Yup, same thing. Hey google. Yep.

The brands are a little too sentient.